Eyes Lifted Up

I lift my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. ~Psalm 121:1-2 (NIV)

For the past 14 years, health struggles have been a major part of my life.  There have been good periods, good days, but physical limitations and uncertainties have been the norm.

Producing multifarious symptoms, one of the main struggles has been with my thyroid. For the last nine months, the thyroid struggle has been pretty intense. Seemingly, this body was being assaulted by every thyroid-related symptom previously experienced, as well as some new encounters.  To name a few: severe weakness and a heavy brain fog -- some days, it was as if my mind was almost blank, hardly a thought, no energy to form a thought.   Many, many days, I have had absolutely nothing to give.

I was physically experiencing what I knew spiritually -- that I had nothing to give to God.  To realize that you have nothing to give to God and yet to give Him everything you have, this is quite a paradox.  Everything comes from God: there is nothing that I have that was not graciously given to me by God, but nothing I have is needed by God.  His desire that I give myself back to Him is for my benefit not His.  For as I abandon myself to God and give back to Him everything that He has given, He gives more grace.  It could be said that the portion of grace is doubled.  For as I realize that He is my portion, I inherit the full portion that He desires to bestow upon me.

I have seen this in such a remarkable way in the last few months.  I love to read God's Word, but to even read a Psalm has been a supreme effort - at some points throughout the day, to pray, a mighty task.  Many days, all I could do was just look up -- Look to the hills from where my help comes.  Beautifully, each and every day the grace to get through that day, the grace to look up, was there.  God knew my heart and He lifted my eyes when I could not do this for myself.  That is the beauty of abandonment, of a surrendered life: we see ourselves for who we truly are -- realizing we are nothing apart from God, we offer the reins of our life to the One who truly knows what is needed, and He takes over and accomplishes all that needs to be accomplished.

God's grace is ever sufficient.  He takes nothing and makes it into something.  I do not know all the somethings that He is making within me, but even in the last few weeks He showed me that He was making something out of nothing: For years my hair has been growing -- growing -- I did not cut it, just let it grow.  Then two weeks ago, I had it cut -- 17" cut -- for donation.  You see, this body that has been so wasted was still endowed with something to give.  It may sound small, but it was huge to me...Sufficient grace, sufficient in wisdom and supply, sufficient to produce a gift from what the locusts have devoured.

As we look up to Him, His grace is constantly renewing us from within, making a new thing, producing a good gift.  All appearances may show a very contrary picture to true reality -- do we believe that our Maker knows what is best even when every outside indicator says that we have been cast aside?  Do we believe that He is producing a good thing even when production cannot be measured by human standards?  We can rest assured that fruit will always be produced from a surrendered life -- are we willing to allow God to enable our eyes to see the fruit that He is producing or will we stubbornly refuse the fruit that does not meet our hopes and expectations?  Will we keep looking up even when we are scared of what we might see?  We must, for as we do, Grace will be waiting to give more Grace.

Incorruptible

...it was not with perishable things such as silver and gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ... ~I Peter 1: 18

I have been redeemed by the incorruptible blood of Christ to an incorruptible inheritance which makes possible an incorruptible faith so that I may serve an incorruptible King. One day, I will have an incorruptible body and lay an incorruptible crown at my King's feet. This is glorious and incorruptible truth, all revealed and activated through the incorruptible, eternal Word of God.
(I Peter 1:4-7, 23; I Timothy 1:17; I Corinthians 15:53;
I Corinthians 9:25)

Today, I cannot get away from the wonder of the incorruptible. Because I was born with a corruptible body and live in a corruptible world, it is hard to fathom the incorruptible...yet because of God's grace, I can know and live for the incorruptible!

Sandpaper Situations

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. ~Hebrews 12:13-14 (NIV)

The admonishment from these verses reverberates within me. God gently says to me, "Crysta, child whom I love and desire to transform, get over yourself so that My grace can be expressed through you."

I have always had a strong sense of justice. I do not want others to be hurt or mistreated. I empathize with the pain of others and deeply grieve when I have been the cause of pain. But all too often, my sense of justice has been spent on myself: A threat is perceived, hurtful words are hurled, disrespectful treatment catches me by surprise and every nerve in my body cries for justice. Thoughts of defense and protection come to my mind, my feelings and emotions demand that I take up the fight against flesh and blood. Ephesians 6:12 tells me that my fight is not against flesh and blood, so why does my flesh cry out for a roll-in-the-mud, let's-settle-this-now, flesh-and-blood fight?

James 4:1-3 asks this same question and gives a very powerful answer: What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Isn't it the whole army of evil desires that war within you? You want what you don't have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous for what others have and you can't possess it, so you fight and quarrel to take it away from them. (NLT)

Basically, when my flesh rises to take on a fight with flesh and blood, it is because I didn't get what I wanted. I coveted something different than what I was given. I wanted a different scenario. I was offered unkindness, I coveted kindness. I was ignored, I coveted attention. I was interrupted, I coveted respect. I looked at the situation, the hurt, the insult and said, "This is not just treatment." At this point, whether I recognized it or not, I took my eyes off of God's truth and God's way and wanted my own way. My heart, which a moment before was yielded to God, stood up in rebellion against this slight of injustice which God had allowed.

Is God unable to work for good in me or in this situation? Is God too weak to enable me to respond in service and kindness? Is this person too difficult for God to show mercy? To all three, the answer is No. Flesh and blood may have meant that hurt or insult for evil, but God, in His foreknowledge, meant it for good.

The hurts and insults that come into my days are sandpaper situations. In order to buff out the rough edges of self, these sandpaper situations are lovingly used by God so that Christ's beauty may smoothly flow from my life. When the pain of the sandpaper is at its greatest, the rough edges of self are the most predominant. When self has found its proper place of anonymity, the sandpaper slides smoothly across my soul producing greater reliance on the Giver of all good things.

In Genesis 4:3-5, Cain faced a sandpaper situation. Both Cain and Abel brought offerings to the Lord. Cain offered some of the fruits of his garden. Abel offered the firstborn of his flock. The Lord looked on Abel's offering with favor, but He did not look on Cain's offering with this same favor. So enters the sandpaper. Cain wanted his own way AND recognition for his offering. He coveted the favor given to Abel. Instead of seeking to do what was right, he became angry because he did not receive what he coveted.

The Lord talked with Cain and admonished him, saying: "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." (Genesis 4:6, NIV)

Cain did not listen to the Lord's admonishment, instead he allowed sin to master him. As a result, he killed Abel - his own brother. Cain could not have two masters. He chose the master of sin over the Master of love.

The warning given to Cain rings in my own ears, yet God's mercy and offered grace beckons even louder. God will give me the grace and strength to stand against my own selfishness and covetousness, but I must submit to Him and resist Satan, the master of sin. God must be my only Master. (II Corinthians 10:3-5, II Corinthians 12:9-10, Hebrews 4:14-16, James 4:6-8)

The temptation to fight against flesh and blood is crouching at my door. Wanting the comfort of my own way, my soul will attempt to resist the sandpaper of submission and transformation, but grace...Grace reminds me that I have been bought with a price and my life is not my own.

I am graced to grace others. I am set apart to be a vessel of grace. The question is, will I get over myself and submit to the Sander and Lover of my soul that His grace can be expressed through me?