As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. ~Psalm 42:1-2a
The Lord has begun to widen my imaginations. The inception of this widening was sparked as I pondered on Matthew 6:33 and all the implications involved when considering the truth and precision of God's daily provision. I began to think about the days when I feel so wiped out, when my energy is truly depleted: in the past, I have just accepted these days. A true level of contentment has been mine because I trust God's goodness and I believe that He would not bring a time of pain or struggle unless there was purpose, a goodness that would blossom from such pain or struggle.
Yet, somewhere in my mind, I think I still considered these days of depleted energy to be days that contained a lack of something that was needed. I understand that God is always going to provide my greatest need and I believe that He is my greatest need...I want the provision of Him, but somehow my mentality was to still see illness and weakness as lack. Is it possible that illness is part of the provision? Could it be that what this perceived lack will bring about in and through me is exactly what I need, thus making the illness or weakness part of the provision?
I have come to believe that though I can rest in exactly what is provided for each day, there are times when I will not understand what God has provided, times when His provision will not be clearly seen. It is in those times that He wants me to seek Him more, seek to understand the provision, and trust that even when I do not come to a complete understanding of what is provided, I can rest in the knowledge that He is true to His promise and has provided precisely what is needed.
The Lord is rearranging my perspective, showing me that where He reigns supreme there is no lack -- there may be an expected comfort that is not present in my life, but this does not constitute lack. Whatever the Lord provides, this is truly what is needed. True lack is to cease seeking after God.
Oswald Chambers says, "If you ask for things from life instead of from God, you ask amiss, you ask from a desire for self-realization. The more you realize yourself the less you will seek God." Basically Chambers is saying, the one interest that should mark my life is a hard seeking after God. Whatever will cause me to know God more, whatever enhances my desire for Him, this is what I need. That is the essence of Matthew 5:6- Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they will be filled. Whatever causes me to thirst more for God - be it illness, weakness, struggle, bounty, grace, beauty, love - is part of the blessing and is the grandest form of provision for it will result in sweet satisfaction of the soul.