Several months ago, I had an unholy fight with the love of my life. What made it unholy? My weapon of choice: anger. Isn't there a righteous indignation? Absolutely. But I was not expressing it. I was raging from hurt feelings, longing for time and an evaluation of priorities; all my expectations were flowing from a heart that felt jilted.
Was my desire for wholeness, for a meeting of the minds? Yes, but I was going after this conclusion in a tainted way. I had let my hurts pile up and fuel anger. I thought I was bringing these hurts before the Lord but had not left them there. I kept bringing them out, stroking them, feeding them with thoughts of discontent. All this stroking admiration led to a big blow up.
My fight was launched in hurt and anger. When I chose to march with such weapons, I was marching to the drum of the Deceiver. I had the opportunity to leave my hurts at Jesus' feet and march with the Redeemer, but I made the wrong choice.
Thankfully, the Spirit touched my heart and I saw the unholiness of my weapons. I stopped, asked for forgiveness and the Redeemer stepped in. He brought the right weapons, holy weapons: love, patience, forgiveness, mercy, peace...in that instant, the atmosphere changed. The real need came to Light and discussion was possible.
My unholy weapons were leading toward a path of destruction -- Oh, the damage those weapons could have done! How thankful I am for the Spirit's whisper, that He helped me listen! How thankful I am for holy weapons!
Didn't I want unity and restoration? Very much. But this was impossible with the weapons I was wielding. What deception -- to think my unholy weapons could bring about holy resolution.
The Lord is teaching me to stop, look up and wait before I respond -- to wait for Him to choose the weapon that is right for whatever I encounter. All too often, I bound forward in my pride, packing unholy weapons, when He is simply asking me to wait, humbly realize I do not know the weapon to use and look to Him -- where the correct weapon is already waiting and ready -- a holy weapon.
Christ in me, those holy weapons are always at my disposal, but I have to stop and look to Him, asking His Spirit to choose instead of my flesh. Looking up releases the license to carry a holy weapon that has the power of life.
Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. ~James 3:18 (NIV)
