You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light. With your help I can advance against a troop, with my God I can scale a wall. -Psalm 18:28-29
God recently used these verses to encourage me regarding the walls that develop in relationships....
To grow and flourish, a healthy relationship needs two people who are committed to the progress of that relationship. Each person must do their part to sustain the relationship. Nevertheless, even in healthy relationships, hurts, misunderstandings and disagreements can quickly arise. Before we can even blink, such hurts can lead to the construction of a formidable wall that stands stubbornly in the midst of that relationship. With God's help, these formidable walls can be scaled.
Yet, just as there are two sides to every relationship, there are two sides to every wall. To abolish the wall completely, both individuals must allow God to help them scale their side of the wall. If both individuals are not committed to the scaling process, then their relationship will cease to progress. Frequently, you will find that one individual is invested in the wall climbing exertion while the other individual has little desire to attempt the endeavor.
When I scale a wall, my goal is to make it to the other side....but what happens when there is a blockage that keeps me from making it to that other side? In this situation I am left with two options: climb back down or sit on top of the wall. This same scenario will often surface with relational walls. We are attempting to get to the other side of our relational wall, but find that our passage is blocked. The person on the other side of that wall is important to us....we desire to see this relationship restored, so we try to reach over the wall, around the wall even through the wall, yet every effort at restoration is met with an impenetrable barricade. At this point, we must decide if we are going to climb back down or if we are going to stay on top of that wall.
If we choose to climb back down the wall, we are essentially erecting our own barricade, a barricade which closes our heart off from forgiveness and freedom. If we choose to stay on top of that wall, we have freed ourselves to love and forgive. The initial barricade may remain, there may not be reciprocity, but we can know a restoration in our own spirit. The peace of God can rule in our hearts....others may not choose to scale the wall to peace, but as far as it depends on us, we can live at peace with everyone. (Romans 12:18)
Oh, yes! With my God I can scale this wall and be freed from bitterness, hurt feelings, anger, and even from the impatience that comes when I do not see much progress in the other person's scaling journey. I am not responsible for their side of the wall, nor does the weight of this relationship's success rest solely on my shoulders. By myself, I cannot make this relationship work....I can only trust God to do the work in me that enables me to scale my side of the wall.
Though reconciliation may not result, the scaling effort is not in vain, for the view from atop that wall is clear and unhindered. If scaling efforts are initiated on the other side, my peace-filled heart is prepared. Yet most importantly, because I did not allow a wall to tower over me, my relationship with God will continue to flourish.
Unscaled walls obstruct my relationship with God, but walls scaled in God's strength enrich my intimacy with Him.