Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore get rid of all moral filth and evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. ~James 1:19-21 (NIV)
Several months ago, I had an unholy fight with the love of my life. What made it unholy? My weapon of choice: anger. Isn't there a righteous indignation? Absolutely. But I was not expressing it. I was raging from hurt feelings, longing for time and an evaluation of priorities; all my expectations were flowing from a heart that felt jilted.
Was my desire for wholeness, for a meeting of the minds? Yes, but I was going after this conclusion in a tainted way. I had let my hurts pile up and fuel anger. I thought I was bringing these hurts before the Lord but had not left them there. I kept bringing them out, stroking them, feeding them with thoughts of discontent. All this stroking admiration led to a big blow up.
My fight was launched in hurt and anger. When I chose to march with such weapons, I was marching to the drum of the Deceiver. I had the opportunity to leave my hurts at Jesus' feet and march with the Redeemer, but I made the wrong choice.
Thankfully, the Spirit touched my heart and I saw the unholiness of my weapons. I stopped, asked for forgiveness and the Redeemer stepped in. He brought the right weapons, holy weapons: love, patience, forgiveness, mercy, peace...in that instant, the atmosphere changed. The real need came to Light and discussion was possible.
My unholy weapons were leading toward a path of destruction -- Oh, the damage those weapons could have done! How thankful I am for the Spirit's whisper, that He helped me listen! How thankful I am for holy weapons!
Didn't I want unity and restoration? Very much. But this was impossible with the weapons I was wielding. What deception -- to think my unholy weapons could bring about holy resolution.
The Lord is teaching me to stop, look up and wait before I respond -- to wait for Him to choose the weapon that is right for whatever I encounter. All too often, I bound forward in my pride, packing unholy weapons, when He is simply asking me to wait, humbly realize I do not know the weapon to use and look to Him -- where the correct weapon is already waiting and ready -- a holy weapon.
Christ in me, those holy weapons are always at my disposal, but I have to stop and look to Him, asking His Spirit to choose instead of my flesh. Looking up releases the license to carry a holy weapon that has the power of life.
Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. ~James 3:18 (NIV)